HE SAID "I THINK I'M CURED"

i've been painting on a large peice of cardboard and leaving the paint on my fingers in an effort to be more artistic the last two days.


let's make you vanish please?



with a little bit of money we could buy us a car
with a little luck we could get us away from where we are
let's get out of here.

we'll drive one thousand miles an hour
we'll fly by wheat fields and water towers
we'll go, we'll go and we'll go and we'll go
let's go.

now the look in your eye
you know,
the look right before you cry
it's always here.
so in the day when you wake
in the morning when you awake
let's disappear.

today i am nine. i ride my bike to tigermarket with my big brother and fall off twice. i sing backstreetboys and pretend to know all the words and arrange my pokemon card collection for the second time in three days.

today i am thirteen. everyone feels the need to point out my failures. i feel the need to cut out my failures. i wear sweatshirts and don't flirt with boys and get good grades but i never think they're good enough so i cry alone in my bed every night and listen to harry potter on tape.

today i am seventeen. i write a letter to the president but crumple it up because who listens to a democrat that can't vote yet anyways? i drink coffee and run off and suntan with boys that have long hair and listen to folk and emo music, things that sooth the soul, and i go to coffee shops and drink more coffee and listen to an old man play the guitar and sing and i stay out until past eleven and give boys rides home and sit with boys and swim with boys and talk to boys.

today i am twenty-eight. i clean out the fishtank with a toothbrush and wear an apron and will do the same thing tomorrow until the fish are happy and clean and beautiful. i clean my room and pick up all traces of dirty clothes from the floor and listen to football on the radio because someday my kids will go to a collage like these.

today i am fifty. i've grown up too fast and wish i could be seventeen or thirteen or nine. i watch rehearsals of high school plays to feel more youthful. i can't sleep and wake up at five in the morning and go back to sleep and wake up at 8 and i don't do my hair or put on mascara. i'm married and we don't show affection anymore. he ignores me often and i hate it but i'll live because i love him.

today i am buried under three feet of earth. i have died fairly early. sixty people attend my funeral, all wearing lavender because grey loves color and so do i. if i still lived i would find it ironic that grey worries about color so much when her name is one of the least colorful of them all. i rest in peace as my tombstone instructs me.

today i am fourteen. i go out with my fourteen year-old friends. i squeeze my fourteen year-old body into a size four swim suit. my hair is fourteen centimeters long and i like it because it's shorter than my over fourteen year-old brother. i use my fourteen years of swimming experience to glide slowly across the fourteen foot deep water with my fourteen year old degrassi friend. we wish we had the courage to flirt with the fourteen year old boys but we feel just so.. fourteen. we tell dirty fourteen year-old jokes and say dirty fourteen year-old things and push each other and sit on each other and love each other and we will for fourteen years to come. we have our parents drive us to the fourteen year-old hang outs and spend fourteen minutes buying smoothies until we have to go home because our parents can't handle our teenagerness. we drive fourteen miles home and drop of two fourteen year olds to their homes of fourteen miserable, dirty, perfect, beautiful years.

i am fourteen. today i have grown up, grown down, grown out of who i was, and grown into who i will be. i reconstruct myself every few days, as my fourteen year old mind points out to me. i miss being nine, being thirteen, seventeen, twenty-eight, fifty, being dead, but i love being fourteen the most at this very moment.

today i am fourteen.

sometimes i am just so infatuated with myself i can hardly contain it.

boys lie.

but not today.

all better, thank you lisa for making me do it.

boys lie.

galactic green!!

( so there. )
so yeah today was the first day of highschool.
and it sucked, of course, but i think it would have sucked no matter what school i went to.
it would have sucked THIS much more if i had gone to small again.
and i like a teacher,
i'm auditioning for the play (ahh!),
i didn't get fish thrown on me,
and there were several hot boiz.

so all in all, it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

ps i hate it when i get real homework on the first day. what do they think they're doing??

the quick fox jumped over the lazy dogs,
betts

well.

in natalie's words

"school is like death or brushing your teeth. you just have to accept that it's going to happen."

except it's more like "shcwkepool isliked deth r brhsing your teaht .. you just havaet o accept that is' y going thappen."

and that's all i have to say about that.

i had to share.
( just live with me for a sex, kayx? )

so yeh.. me+katie=coolerthantheworld.

( for relz )

so pyke's over, and i have a runny nose and i finally finished sixteen candles and got donnie darko on dvd. so far the end of summer has been successful.

and youth group?
yeh it rocked.


in a dream that i can't seem to shake she is
she is standing ( alone )
by the fence
i see tears in her eyes
why she cries i
just
don't
know.

AS MUCH AS WE HATE TO ADMIT IT SCHOOL IS STARTING IN 6 DAYS.

and i have to make the most of these days.
so i figure julia's comming over and we're going to say... toilet paper people's houses.
it is so sixth grade, like donnie darko says.
that's why i'm so FREKAING OUT ABOUT BEING ONT HE OCMTUEPRU!!

i dont' want to be stuck here on the computer when i should be OUT IN THE WORLD STAYING UP UNTIL THE WEE HOURS OF THE MORNIN' .

so me and julia are going to do SOMETHING, although i dont' think my parents will let us go tping tonight (YES, i do have to get their permission even though i have windows that open now) since it's a workday tomorrow (YES, for both of them!!!!!!!!).

so maybe this weekend can't wait.

I AM MAKING PLANS. WILL DO EVERYTHING THIS WEEK. LOVE, BETTS

PS julia i'm sorry i must do this.

LET'S BEAT JULIA AND GO FOR 101 COMMENTS.

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	109
Quiz created with MemeGen!

yeh beat that hoez.

well maroon round up was yesterday and i think i died there.

( next time say 'don'tlove me! i love you!' )

so now i'm at my granny's house,

enjoying a cordless keyboard/mouse,

cute condo,

and the company or my lovely grandmother and grandmother's boyfriend and brother.

this morning i went fishing, which reminded me nothing of cabbage, i should tell my pen pal, and now i'm sitting here in between lunch and the library (where my gran volunteers at or something).

i'm going to go.. bake cookies or something.

you know that's not it steve harvey,

betts.

so yeah this guy was picking his nose when he was driving and someone rear-ended him and his finger got shoved up his nose and he died.

( my death in quotation marks. )

( now i know i'm just misunderstood )

i hope it never goes away,
betts

ps. i twisted my ankle at ulta. BEAT THAT.

so yeah.

here's what's been going down--
+ shea has XTREME red streaks in her hair
+ julia fell in love again
+ i've been mildly emofied.
+ my room is like THIS different.

actually, a really good weekend so far minus the fact that neima didn't remember me for a second.

or, as he said, he didn't "rekigniZe" me.
lovely!

the next time someone calls me goth i'm going to set something larger than a leaf on fire.

IN THEIR BOOTY.

( let's tune out )


notgothandifyouweren'tretartedyou'dbeabletoknowwhatgothwas,
betts